March 18

Mar 18 - Today from Proverbs 18 we look at verse 19
"An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel."

Many of the proverbs appear to be little more than observations of life. For the wise, they are a stimulant to help process life in a manner that pleases the Lord. I believe that this particular proverb falls into this category. A simple person might read this proverb and say, "Boy, isn't that the truth." But, a person who seeks to understand the way of life as the Lord intends would say something like, "Lord, how then do I deal with an offended brother?" And the search is on.
At this point I could begin chapter one of a lengthy book. Numerous books have been written on how to deal with conflict. But, I don't have the time and you don't have the patience. So, we needn't follow that course. We will simply look at a couple of principles and leave the reader the option to continue if need be. The first observation is the unique Hebrew term, which is interpreted 'offended' in this verse. It's the only place in the Bible you will find it. All other forms of the word offend in the OT appear to have some attachment to the idea of guilt. In this instance, the term speaks of a breaking away. When coupled with the term 'brother', we get a clearer sense of the picture. This term 'brother' is used in the widest sense in reference to a personal relationship. So, I believe this proverb is speaking of a broken relationship.
That guy who passed me just in time to make a left turn in front of me offended me - but I didn't have any kind of relationship with him. I fumed for awhile, but it soon passed. The politician on the evening news who espoused views that offended me got my dander up. But I didn't have a relationship with him, so I turned the channel and quickly forgot about it. Life is too short to allow people who I really don't even know to get inside of my emotions and ruin my day. But, when it comes to relationships. . . well, that's a whole different story. We are intimately 'attached' to certain institutions in our lives where relationships are vital. The home, the church, school, the workplace, the neighborhood, etc. Because others are intimately attached to the same institution, it is important to develop and maintain relationships with those in close proximity. When an offense occurs which breaks a relationship, it deeply affects how we feel and function not only within that particular institution, but we drag it around with us into every area of our lives. The literal translation for forms of the word 'offend' in the NT means to snare or entrap. Once entered, your stuck and you can't get away from it. If there is an offense in the home, the entire atmosphere of the home changes. If one becomes offended in the church, the joy and security disappears and it is no longer the desirable place it once was. If a relationship is broken in school, you can hardly get the child out of bed in the morning. School is now a painful place to be. If there is an offense in the neighborhood, your home is no longer the haven of refuge it once seemed. This proverb is no longer just a passing observation to an offended brother, it is a perplexing reality. Where there was once a functioning relationship, there is now an insurmountable wall. A wall that the offender cannot penetrate with even the best of arguments and reasoning. Regardless of what the offense was, you can be sure that feelings were hurt, dignity was trampled, respect was minimized and trust was broken. The more the offender attempts to justify their action, the thicker the wall becomes. The offender is not simply dealing with a justified action, but with a person who feels that they have somehow been devalued. How does one begin to penetrate that wall?
Given the complexities of the myriad of possibilities, there is no formula - but there are principles. The greatest principle and the fundamental place to begin is that of love. Unconditional love. First Corinthians 13 love. God's love. I do not think we will ever plumb the depths of the number of ways in which we have offended Him, yet we have ample opportunity to be in an intimate relationship with Him. If we will but search out the ways of God's love, and apply them to our relationships with our brothers (not a gender term), we will learn how to remove walls of fortified cities and penetrate barred gates of citadels. It also works on the walls and gates we ourselves have put up. When God was offended, He didn't walk away. There is something very powerful in love. A power that needs to be released in a world of walled cities. It takes a cross to release that power. Jesus willingly went to His, and asks us to take ours up daily. When self dies, love lives.