February 21

Feb 21 - Today from Proverbs 21 we look at verses 9 and 19
"Better to live on the corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife."

These verses intrigue me. First, they don't even hint of the thought of divorce. They were written in a time when patriarchy was strongly established and women had few rights. Then I noticed a progression; if the wife is only quarrelsome the husband stays in the same proximity (on the roof), but not under the roof. If she's quarrelsome and ill tempered then he's better off being isolated far from the proximity (the desert). I am not fully sure what that all means, but it certainly provokes thought.
I am more interested in how the situation even came about. Why would a man even marry an ill-tempered and/or quarrelsome woman (or in fairness to the woman, vise-versa)? No one wants to live on the roof of their house, much less in a desert far from their house. Of course today the solution is divorce. It's so common and easy that 50% of marriages end up in this desert - that statistic includes the churched! So, I think the real lesson is to avoid getting into such a predicament to begin with. I can think of several reasons how such a thing can happen.
Pure romance. Romance is a good door toward developing a deep relationship, but it will never support the weight of marriage. Romance is a wonderful attribute of a deep relationship, but must never be substituted for one. When the romance wears thin and the reality of the imperfect person beneath the veneer shows through, it takes commitment and unconditional love of both partners to make the marriage work. Romance blinds the eyes with a veil of idealism. There is nothing ideal in this world, and sooner or later the veil tears. How does one avoid making the mistake of attempting to build a marriage on romance? Maturity. Few people are mature enough to make 'love at first sight' work. It calls for an extended courtship and engagement for a couple to learn each other’s foibles and how to deal with them in a mature manner. This includes developing good understanding and good communication skills. A deep healthy relationship holds fast.
Lust. This is even more shallow than romance. One is marrying a body without noticing the character. It is a part of the Hollywood mystique. Beautiful people marrying beautiful people. So in love with themselves that they want the best for themselves. The value that 'best' is based on is physical beauty. This doesn't only happen in Hollywood. It happens right here in our hometown. Maybe in our family. Physical beauty is such a high value in our culture today that one feels he or she has done well to secure a centerfold or Chip n Dale knock off as a mate. When the lust is sated and one must finally deal with the character - it's off to the desert! How does one avoid making the mistake of building a marriage based on lust? Move your reasoning up a couple of feet and use your mind.
Convenience. Did you know that many marry to get out of an undesirable situation at home? It's usually a female who is enduring an abusive circumstance of one kind or another. She marries the first 'White Knight' who comes along to rescue her. The vast majority of the time the 'White Knight' is nothing more than a scoundrel who has come to exploit - and she ends up in another bad situation. Maybe worse. There are those who marry for convenience of position. Social position. Political position. Look at poor Ahab. He married Jezebel to enhance his kingdom. He would have been far better off living in a desert. How does one avoid marrying for convenience? Don't.
Once again we see two lessons in these verses. Be careful in choosing your mate. Be wise and prayerful, and take your time in building a relationship before you make a life long commitment. The other lesson is, if you are married, be careful not to be(come) the quarrelsome and ill-tempered mate. The one you took vows to love honor and cherish shouldn't have to be longing to live on the roof or in the desert. Live together, under your roof. Sure it takes some effort. But it's worth it.