May 25

May 25 - Today from Proverbs 25 we look at verses 9 and 10
"If you argue your case with a neighbor, do not betray another man's confidence, or he who hears it may shame you and you will never lose your bad reputation."

Conflict is a very difficult issue to handle because there are always very strong feelings involved. Conflict tends to make one very short-sighted as the focus is concentrated on winning the battle at hand. When such is the case, the sweetness of victory is very short-lived as the reality of long-term loss begins to come into focus. Some cases are just not worth fighting.
What could be some of the greater values we threaten when we commit ourselves to the short-term goal of winning our case? Two values which immediately come to mind are intimately related - our testimony and our integrity. When winning our point or position becomes more important than our witness - we become losers, regardless if we won the case at hand or not. We do well to clearly establish our values, and then count the costs before entering into any conflicts. Jesus taught it this way:
"Suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he first not sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple. Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out." -Luke 14:31-34
The king who could not win sought terms of peace - if the other king were merciful, the terms of peace would be, "If you will offer total surrender and come under my authority, I will let you live." Jesus says, "In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple." He did not call us to surrender ourselves to others, He called us to surrender ourselves to Him and to follow His example. Once we do that we are to consistently demonstrate our values of testimony and integrity. Now the question is, will we jeopardize those values for the lesser values of 'being right', 'getting my way', 'showing him', etc.? Once we have entered into a conflict on those terms, we have ceased to be an agent of grace, and our testimony of God's grace is no longer effective. In the context of Jesus' analogy, I would contend that the salt He speaks of here is our testimony. Once we have injured another by being graceless and by insisting on our way, our salt has lost its saltiness. It is thrown out and is trampled under foot - under the feet of those who probably most needed to hear it.
I am not sure of the structure of today's proverb. I have read three different versions and they all seem to vary a bit in meaning. But the principle is clear - we stand to lose something of far greater value than the case if we do not first mark our values and set our priorities accordingly. Here's how I understand the passage - at least in part. "Do not betray another man's confidence." (NIV). The KJV version says "Disclose not a secret to another." Confidence. What is your neighbor to be confident of? Your integrity! But, in order for you to win your case, you may have to practice a little vengeance. You may have to do a little character assassination. You may have to disclose something about your neighbor that really should not become public disclosure. You may have to be unkind toward your neighbor in order to be proved right. You may indeed win the case, but your neighbor (and probably many others who sided with him), will never again hear your testimony of grace. You have reduced your salt to road gravel. You have lost two critical values which Jesus wants you to guard against all things - your integrity and your testimony.
Identify your values. Set your values. Live your values.